QUESTION: WILL I BE ALONE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE BECAUSE OF MY PAST ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?
Carmen writes: “Hi Jessica, I was in a horribly abusive and selfish relationship for 18 years. He stripped me of who I was. I’ve been single for about 15 yrs now and I still haven’t learned how to really put myself out there. I’m afraid I wont meet anyone because of the way I am now. Will I ever meet someone or will I be alone for the rest of my path?”
ANSWER: NO, YOU JUST HAVE A LITTLE MORE HEALING TO DO.
Hi Carmen! No, you will not be alone for the rest of your life. You just have a little more healing work to do. My sense is that your deeper fear is about not being safe in a relationship, and for the last 15 years, you have felt safer on your own. It makes sense, because the abusive relationship you were in taught you that you couldn’t trust yourself or your feelings.
I get the sense you’ve already done some healing work, and now you just need to do a little more around self-acceptance. Your spirit guides emphasize bringing a light-hearted energy to dating and the intention to have fun. When you date, do it with a sense of joy and adventure. You have no idea what the experience will bring.
The bottom line is, you really CAN trust yourself. Because of what you went through in the past, you would see an abusive person coming a mile away! You know what abuse looks like now, and even though you doubt yourself, you would not tolerate that now. If you need assurance about this, just remember how bad it felt when your ex-partner would yell at you and make you wrong for your feelings.
Also remember, it is your inner child who believes she deserves abuse, not you as the adult. The way to heal is to cultivate a loving relationship with your 8 year-old self. Let her know that she doesn’t deserve to be mistreated, and start treating her with love and respect. The more she realizes how perfect she is, she’ll be less likely to be attracted to judgmental men.
With Love,
Jessica
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